Inside Tuna

Judge Buckner Still Dead
A local judge is found dead in bed - Funeral plans and locals react

UFO Sighting in Tuna
R. R. Snavley reports seeing hovering "object"

Tuna's Catch of the Day
Tuna High School Reunion being planned for the 4th of July

Smut Snatchers of the New Order Plan Word Ban

Vera Carp, Vice President of the Smut Snatchers of the New Order and the Reverend Spikes, President, will co-preside tonight at the 8 o'clock meeting of the SSNO at the Coweta Baptist Church. Sources close to Ms. Carp say that the group is expected to call for a book-snatching squad to visit the Tuna High School Library. "We have a new list of words which have been declared possibly offensive or misunderstandable to pre-college students." The entire meeting will be carried live tonight on station OKKK.

Other agenda items include: the bonfire record-burning party and an approved list of Spanish phrases that every Red-Blooded American ought to know.

A CLOSER LOOK AT THE PEOPLE AND PLACES THAT MAKE TUNA - TUNA

BBB (Better Baptist Bureau)

Dedicated to serving Tuna and its citizens with a healthy dose of Baptist values, The Better Baptist Bureau (BBB) has been active in the Greater Tuna Area for years.

Former Head of the BBB, Bertha Bumiller sums up the organization this way; "We have regular meetings with various topics to help the members become better at being a Baptist." Some of the more recent meetings centered on such topics as; Dancing - The Tool of the Devil, How to Pray While Sleeping and Losing Weight the Baptist Way.

Miss Tuna Off to Shaky Start in Pageant

Maxie Bovine, the reigning Miss Tuna in the Miss Texas Pageant was taken to the hospital after going into shock when her talent competition went over by 20 seconds. The buzzer went off during the climax of her famous Scarlett O'Hara I'll-never-eat-a-root-again scene where she then threw a wall-eyed fit according to her chaperone, Mildred Jean Perkins.

"Hanging" Judge Buckner Found Dead

Bad news for the Greater Tuna area.

Former County Judge Roscoe Buckner died at his home yesterday; he had suffered a severe and sudden stroke. Buckner who was judge in the Greater Tuna area for 47 years and who hung more people in the 30's than any other active judge had a history of heart trouble.

On being informed of the demise, the Reverend Spikes, pastor of the Coweta Baptist Church and the one who will most likely deliver the eulogy at the Judge's funeral, said, "Never ever did I hear the man say die...he just did."

The Buckner Family requests no flowers and suggests contributions be made instead to the Foundation for the Perpetuation of Capital Punishment.

Snavley Claims UFO Sighting Overnight

A U.F.O., (Unidentified Flying Object) has been reported by R. R. Snavley, over lake Mobete. R. R. says it looked like a giant hovering chalupa - without the guacamole.

According to his wife, Mrs. Didi Snavley, however, R. R. may have been suffering from an attack of visions brought on by keeping too much company with his friend Mogen David.

TUNA WEATHER

Rain, Rain, Locusts

DiDi's
Used Weapons

Guns
Knives

--Complete Mace and Tear Gas Department--

"If DiDi's Can't Kill It...It's Immortal!"

Fresh Tuna Everyday On

"Tuna Speaks"

OKKK Radio

Stop and Shop
by the

Where you can fill
all your

needs.

Tuna High School Reunion Planned

A Fourth of July Tuna High School Class Reunion has been set and Bertha Bumiller and Arles Struvie are planning the affair.

Joe Bob Lipsey and Charlene Bumiller are expected to attend along with everyone who has been to Tuna High School over the past 15 years. The theme for the reunion is entitled Red, White and Tuna.

See Walking Tours for tour information.

Petey Fisk Announces Duck Program without Trauma

Petey Fisk spoke today for the Greater Tuna Humane Society urging Tuna citizens to "take a minute to think about ducks. It's tough being a duck," he said. "Cartoons portray ducks as genetic mutants with speech impediments." With recent flooding problems in Buckner Basin, the wild ducks have been left with no nesting grounds and in answer to that Fisk announced a new program entitled: Duck Trapping without Trauma. Local citizens can bring their ducks to Petey who will personally relocate them into unflooded areas. For your free pamphlet on this topic write to Petey Fisk, General Mail Delivery, Box D.O.G., Tuna, Texas.

Petey also urges everyone to "have a nice day."

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Tuna Little Theatre Opens Auditions

Come one, come all to the Tuna Little Theatre open audition for this season's on-again, off-again production of "My Fair Lady". With revised set and costumes from last year's South Pacific. Director Jo Bob Lipsey says that it will be the first production ever of "My Fair Lady" that will be set in Polynesia.

City Council Race Heats Up

In an announcement today that did not surprise anyone Mr. Phinas Blye stated that he would indeed be running for a Tuna City Council position in the next election.

Phinas' announcement was made official during the "Leonard On The Line" show airing on OKKK earlier today.

"I'm injecting new and vital issues which cannot be ignored by the voters,"Blye said.

Some of his campaign platform issues include taxing welfare mothers and prisoners in an effort to make up for the thousands of citizens that never pay taxes in this country.

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Tuna Quiz at the Tuna